Being Alive
by Moon Light Tea Time
Summary: He can feel her breath and that was enough for him to know he wasn't dreaming


The events with Alexei had finally ended. Yuri got his vengeance and was unexpectedly stabbed off Zaude grateful that he had woken up to his old small room. He was grateful to be alive, grateful Estelle was there to heal him, grateful to see her smile, to be able to embrace her once more, and to hear her voice as they talked. The vigilante was glad to hear that everyone was doing well. They're safe and they're alive. Most of all Estelle was alive and he was alive, and being alive meant more to him now than ever before.

It's as if being close to death gratified their ability live. Estelle was only moments away from self destruction and he was at the point of bleeding out in the ocean. It would have been impossible for either of them to live if it wasn't for Duke. He lent Yuri the sword, on top of that saved his life. At last, Yuri was glad, and he knew that there was something more than just being joyful in that moment. There was still an unsettling feeling, a need of reassurance.

"The other door won't open." Estelle tells him from outside the room. She was peeking her head into his own apartment with a look of curiosity that Yuri too had on his face. He frowns for a moment ready to walk out of the room but was stopped as Estelle walks in his room instead saying "I heard some woman mention the name Sebastian from the other side, so I suppose it's in use."

"Well it is an inn." Yuri sighs rubbing the back of his neck not bothering to check the room next door but instead rests his sword against the wall near his bed frame. "Do you want to stay here tonight or do you want me to walk you back to the castle?"

"Is there room for me here?" Estelle asks looking at the small room with bright eyes. In her mind it would be like a sleepover, at the same time, it would be more convenient for them incase anything were to happen.

"I mean I can roll out a mat and sleep on the floor." He offers which she frowns at in concern. Yuri assumed that giving her the bed would be more proper for her since it's what she's mostly used to, but he forgets the countless nights they've shared sleeping under the stars and how she cares more for others than she does herself. "But I guess that's not good enough to satisfy the princess?"

"Do you want to sleep on the bed or the mat?" She asks sternly heading over to their supply bag to get one as he thought of what she was asking. It should have been him treating her like his guest, not the other way around.

Unable to find a preference he walks over to her to help her with the bag responding "Well it doesn't really matter to me." but she gracefully turns to pass right by him making him smile at her same old stubbornness. Leaning a hand on his hip he instead turns the tables so she would have to answer instead by asking "What do you want Estelle?"

However her answer was just too precious to be left ignored. It brought some sort of reality to him the moment she says "I just want you to be happy." He's left speechless as he begins to admire her sprawling out the mat beside his bed and doesn't bother to break the silence as she works on making sure that the mat was comfortable.

Yuri takes a seat on his bed watching her take a seat on the mat. All he ever wanted was for her to live freely, like any other person. She was kind and pure of heart, so to him she clearly deserved to be joyous at all times. To him, she deserved to live the way she wants, to be loved by the right person, and treated like a queen rather than a sheltered princess. Only now he wouldn't say that her freedom isn't what he wants. With the past events that had occurred he wanted more than ever to know she was alive. For all he knew this could be an inbetween of heaven and hell where he could try to get rid of his regrets.

It all felt too peaceful yet far too real for it to simply be a dream. Even as they remove articles of unnecessary clothing and wear only what's comfortable, Yuri ponders whether or not he should even ask. At last he decides to, realizing that if he didn't do something about his unsettling fears. H"You want me to be happy right?" He breaks the silence as she finishes folding the white shell of her dress.

"Of course I do!" Estelle says dignified against the infuriating thought that he might of doubted her. "After everything that has happened, everything you did for me, and knowing that you nearly died. How can I not want that?" She pauses to look down at her hands for a moment. They were over her chest to contain the pounding of her beating heart. She too was afraid of the same thing as Yuri. Living in a reality between heaven and hell afraid that she might be holding countless of regrets. She never truly was able to express the compassion she had for him. Neither has she ever gotten around to telling him just how blessed she felt to have him beside her. Whether or not it is reality or a dream, she was pleased to him him alive and well just as he was.

"Then can I ask to hold you?" Estelle's eyes snap to his the instant he asks. The beating of her heart begins to exhilarate. The pounding in her chest warms her cheeks. She looks around trying to set her eyes on something, her mind screaming at her to respond, but the lack of words leave her at loss. She searches for her courage finding it in Yuri who was smiling sweetly at her. His cheeks too were tinged with color that let her know that he was accepting of her saying yes.

Doubting herself she timidly asks "W-would that make you happy?" She looks away and she can hear a chuckle as a response.

Her ears had gotten red as well, something Yuri found quite endearing as he reaches over to gently take her gloveless hand in his. His look of affection remains as he gives her a gentle tug whispering sweetly to her. "Come here."

Estelle stands from the map making her way over him. Gently he pulls her onto his lap and cradles her. She shyly rests her head on his shoulder reaching out for the strands of hair draping over his shoulders. Although it doesn't last long as he leans back to lay on the bed bringing her with him. Together they took up his entire bed with the way he had her close to his chest and both her legs comfortably draped over his thighs. He wraps his arms around her burying his face in her neck like a child who was embracing their favorite plush doll.

Her head rests on his pillow but she can feel the weight of his stress being relieved as he breathes. He too can feel her breathe. It eased him into a relaxed state of mind. He was content with how they were and wouldn't want anything more. "Thank goodness." He whispers closing his eyes to linger in the moment. "You're alive."

Estelle looks at him curiously, unsure what he meant exactly. "Of course I am, you saved me remember?"

"Well, yeah." He sheepishly gives a slanted grin pulling away from her neck to show just how much the moment they were sharing meant to him. "But it's just nice to feel it."

"To feel that I'm alive." She mumbles relaxing head onto shoulder easing her hands to play with the open flap of his shirt. "Is that why you want to be like this?"

"Yeah." Yuri tells her letting his thumb caress her back gently to occupy himself "I can feel you breathe. It's enough to let me know."

"It's comforting." She tells him in return. Closing her eyes she tries to focus on his breathing as well, feeling the healing assurance between them. He was alive, she was alive, and that's all that mattered to them at the moment. "I can feel it too."

"Yeah." He mumbles letting his head rest on his pillow and takes a huge breath repeating his last word. "Yeah." Yuri smiles letting his hand take hers absentmindedly playing with her fingers. She focuses on every touch he made. it was as though he was lost in thought but she was aware and nervous at the thought that tonight they could become something more. "Are you happy with me? Like we are now. Alone. Awake. Just being here together. You know, all that cheesy stuff?"

"Yuri…" Estelle mumbles catching onto what he means. She stops fiddling with his shirt but instead became more attentive to the situation. It was as though her senses were heightened. She was sure it was because of the adrenaline coursing through her. "Of course I'm happy with you, I always am…" she lets out a shaky breath, feeling that their friendship could come to an end at any moment, but despite that she felt as though it was time for him to know. So she summons what's left of her courage as she tells him, "Since the day I was set to go back to the castle when we're in Dahngrest, I think I fell in-"

"Don't say it." He interrupts her as though the words were too much for him to bear. In a moment of desperation and constant fear he doesn't want to hear her confession. "Not right now, let's just leave things as they are."

"But I-" Estelle pushes herself up so that she could face him evidently upset. The look of hurt on her does not go dismissed as Yuri too pushes himself up to sit with her. "When we all thought you had died, it was the first thing I regretted. Not being able to tell you."

"And I don't want to hear it, anything happens to you or to me, I think it'll be less painful." He tells her taking her hands in his own. He looks her dead in the eyes so that she understands just how serious he was, "To know we aren't anything more than what we are now is enough."

"Possibly for you, but not for me." She whispers in return her eyes watering as she looks at him exposing her hidden emotions to him. "For me it was like I was stuck in a time loop. I came up with scenarios of how I could have told you. I thought of possibilities we could have had together. I wanted to say it, I wanted you to know, and it hurt me so much. I didn't see the point in living if you weren't alive. Did you not feel that way with me?"

"With you? I think I was a wreck." Yuri leans closer to her, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. He wipes away some tears that broke from their hold, and smiles at her sadly to assure her everything was fine. "I felt so powerless with the thought that I might losel you. I could barely carry myself anymore, hell I was worn out I actually had to stop and sleep at those damned cursed woods."

Estelle gasps looking at him in disbelief knowing that him running out of energy was something hard to believe. He could go punching and kicking enemies for hours without getting tired. The only thing she could think of that might have a toll on him would be that he was depressed "You actually ran out of energy?"

"I hate to admit it, but I did." Yuri tells her and Repede barks in response. "I barely cared about who I killed anymore. I even threatened Ioder to be a test dummy for Dein Nomos."

Estelle gasps once more covering her mouth. "Y-You didn't!"

"What could I do?! He kept talking about how I needed to kill you if things didn't work!" Yuri pouts letting his forehead rest against hers. "It was the only way to get him to shut up."

Estelle giggles squishing his cheeks with her hands. "Anyways. I want to say it."

"At this point I don't think we have to." Yuri sighs rolling his eyes playfully drawing another giggle out of Estelle "I think it's obvious where we're at."

Estelle's eyes sparkle and she looks at him in awe before she smiles in return. "Yeah."

"Come on. Let's get some sleep. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow." He says and she can't agree more.


End file.
